Is it fair to love someone and expect them to change? Is it fair to expect them not to?
Far too few people give adequate thought to the future when choosing a mate. When they do, they tend to plan a future with their partner in mind… that is, their partner as they are. However, this article offers an interesting take on the relationship dynamic. Its main point is that a partner must change into effectively a different people at different stages of the relationship, in order to suit the needs of the other.
Now part of this is to be expected. Everyone changes. We all get older, and we are all at least expected to grow up and mature during this time. I think it’s reasonable, for example, to expect your early-20s girlfriend to dress a little bit differently when she’s your early-60s wife. But the fundamentals of who a person is, what’s unique and special about them, and what’s really important to them in life in the long-term, all that’s there to stay.
Think about the long, grueling quest for a soul mate. You’ve finally found that one person you understand and who understands you, and decide to build a life together. Then one day, it’s “time to change.” You can’t be you anymore. Time for the newer model.
If that were always the case, why would anyone ever fall in love?