The economy is slow. Jobs are scarce. Homes are being lost. Government spending is out of control. We need hope. The solution? Buy a gun.
Hold your outrage. I’m not suggesting you take up the noble profession of robbing convenience stores. I’m not even suggesting that you had better take increased measures to protect yourselves against those who do just that (although it certainly would not be a bad idea in this economy). I’m suggesting that buying a gun is crucial to balancing the budget.
How? By protecting each and every citizen in a more cost-effective manner. Consider for a moment the job that law enforcement is currently doing. In a situation where your safety is immediately at risk, it takes police around 10 minutes to show up after they have been called. That means that if you manage to get to your phone in time to call for help (and that’s a very big “if”), you have around 10 minutes of up-close-and-personal time with your attacker. A whole lot can happen in 10 minutes. Like death. Packing heat seems like a much smaller risk.
And it’s far cheaper, too. Let’s use the city of Phoenix as an example. The Phoenix police budget for 2011 was about $540 million. That’s enough to buy a handgun for virtually every man, woman, and child residing in the city. Make it one gun per household instead, and factor in an estimate that around 34% already own guns, and you have yourself a nice cost-saver right there. And as an added bonus, bypassing reliance on the cops will also save you from the increasing possibility that they’ll kill you instead.
Defend your own darn self. Use the cops only for extreme situations and cleanup paperwork. The future prosperity of this great nation depends on you. Buy a gun. It’s your patriotic duty.